No one seems to know why this person is afflicted with such terrible luck on the day America gained its independence. However, she—by now you know it’s me—never goes near any pyrotechnics, sharp objects, or finds herself in awkward or uncomfortable situations on the 4th.
I hate to put a damper on such a significant day in history, but….ALL of these stories are TRUE!
Reader discretion is advised.
- I was in the stands of my high school on Fourth of July and the firework display came too close. My friend behind me got third degree burns on her legs. I came out untouched, but she was in my vicinity.
- I was at a party on the Fourth of July and a drunk kid threw a firecracker in my eye. It exploded and ripped cornea, and I was virtually blind for a month.
- When I was a baker, at 3:00 in the morning on the 4th of July, 50 bags of flour landed on me and I stayed propped over the 60 quart Hobart for 3 hours until someone came and got me out.
- I was at a restaurant slicing ham on Fourth of July and nicked the tip of my finger off.
- I was heading towards my vehicle to go to a Fourth of July picnic—I thought it was pretty safe. As I started to open the door, a teenager (15 mind you) came around the corner in the apartment complex speeding, and texting. He hit my car, and as the car moved towards me all the way into the grass, I threw myself out of the way before I was run over.
- I just recently rescued two kittens on the UCF campus. My older cat got jealous and attacked my face and slide down my arm, causing 4 gashes. I look like I got attacked my Freddy Kruger.
- My alternator on my car went out on Fourth of July.
- I lost my restaurant on Fourth of July.
- I was cooking crème Brule on Fourth of July in a hotel pan. I had let them cool for over thirty minutes, thinking the steam would have dissipated. I was wrong. As a peeled back the plastic covering from the pan, a cloud of stream came out and I singed my hands. I was rushed to the emergency room.
- I feel as though every day leading up to the Fourth of July is my last. It freaks me out, like Final Destination.
For those of you heading for the fireworks, please be safe, and always wear a helmet and knee pads, no matter how stupid you may look.